recreational cliff tumbling number 2

While walking in the lake district with my older brother and being under the influence of alcohol, consumed the previous evening, i found that the slippy trainers i had on allowed me to fall at regular intervals. Although this resulted in considerable discomfort it gave me great pleasure to see the looks of disgust on the faces of the "prepared walkers" who scowled at my inappropriate footwear, of course it didn't help that i had a t shirt on and it was snowing. my brother had a quite brilliant idea to leave the track and follow his own obviously incorrect route which resulted in us sitting on top of the wrong peak. We then found ourselves lost on a river bank surrounded by muddy bogs. Images of rescue services racing to the scene and newspaper articles about the stupidity of city walkers crossd my increasingly numb brain; with this in mind we decided to jump a gorge; the rational being we would rather die than suffer the shame. Luckily we made it and due to this success have decided to cross the pyrenees on stilts carrying a tray of custard pies smashed out of our brains.

The benefits of gigging.

Gigging for a young man/woman holds many attractions primarily raising your attractiveness to members of the opposite sex. As a 17 year old lad playing at Dingwalls in Camden Lock in front of a thousand people you start to believe that you are actually attractive especially if you add the effects of alcohol on the audience. Girls foolishly believed they were offering themselves to the next big thing unaware that you were in fact a scrag arse from Bootle. I would like to think those girls have fond memories of our time together and that I gave them the best 5 minutes of their lives however I tend to believe they had forgotten the sorry incident by the time they woke up in the morning.

Work

A thing that has always puzzled me is the aversion people have to work. Many of the people I know go to incredible lengths to avoid doing work. 1 guy I worked with would walk from floor to floor shuffling papers pretending he was working, another followed the diary of the managers intently so that he would always be outside the office when they called. It is obvious that these people burnt up calories avoiding work and the stress that these techniques caused must have been considerable. I have come to the conclusion that this sort of person sees themselves as some sort of rebel and therefore avoidance of working for the "man" is almost a badge of honour. I admire this rebellious ideal however feel that if they were not so cowardly they would do something tangibly rebellious like overthrow the Government of Switzerland. I love work. I love the structure it gives my day, meeting new challenges and people and also the beer it provides at the end of the week.

freeloading wildlife

If we presume that a free market economy is the way for all peoples to generate wealth [and I don't]then why do we not let evolution take its natural course. Giant Pandas for example are particularly inept in the survival game. Without the positive intervention of mankind these black and white bamboo rats would almost certainly be extinct by now. Other animals such as monk seals, tigers and river dolphins are also dragging mankind down with their inarticulate and often smelly claim for support. I think we should have a league table of rubbish animals and let the worst 2 fight it out on live television. 1 year tigers may have to fight flying foxes and the next Pandas fight mountain gorillas. Better than watching soap operas.

The rise of the right

The music scene should soon pick up pre-ceded by a rise in heroin addiction, young men driving cars that are obviously outside the price bracket of any law abiding youths and mass enforced leisure. The Tories are coming. Lest we forget what happened previously. Margaret Thatcher was the ugly daughter of a grocer from Grantham also known as littlte dullwitch. One day she came downstairs and overheard her strange parents [they liked to personify food matter] talking. Her mother stated "she is a fruit" while her father replied "no she is a vegetable". Margaret did not realise they were talking about a paticularly handsome tomatoe and being incredibly politically incorrect believed they had been discussing whether she was a lesbian or learning disabled. She was so traumatised she decided to destroy the working class and invade Argentina. This is probably true.

80's Liverpool Bands

The 80's in Liverpool were a humerous mix of horror [Thatcher's Tyranny] and elation [the Liverpool music scene]. The obvious greats were rising Echo and the Bunnyman, Teardrop Explodes and the Icicle Works however there was also a plethora of "almost made it" bands such as Bluenose B, Toy Taboo, Waving at Trains, Hey Marsha, the Empty Hours and the brilliant Politburo. There was so many great venues such as the Firehouse, Offenbraus [don't think i have spelt that right], Kirklands and my favorite the Flying Picket. All the bands were mates and shared their equipment, I remember Spud Murphy from Toy Taboo calling to lend my Amp because his dad had sold his for ale money. Maybe it's just nostalgia but the fiancial and emotional abuse of 17 year old muscian seems halcyon today.